A Totally Entertaining Funny from Last Night

Does anyone want to guess how I am feeling today? Please defer your attention to the little yellow woman sitting to your right. Yes, I am sick.

With what? Oh, a whole crapload of things. The #1, you ask? Well my wonderful friends…..up until last night it was PMS, now it’s full blown AF. And, really?.......

I.Think.I.Am.Dying.

At least, that’s how I feel, hence my lack of posting this week.

Anywho…..I have an extremely (not so) funny story from last night. I was amped because I was leaving work at two. Chris and I drove separate since he has to be in a different location for training. Typically, when this happens…..Chris is a smart man, he leaves our deadbolt unlocked (which we never really lock anyway)….weeeeeellllllll…….not yesterday. Nope. Yesterday, I trotted out of the craphole at 2:15 and went to the store. Made it to our place by 4:30 (record time might I add, including a brief stop) and walked up stairs with my work bag, lunch bag, two grocery bags and my purse. Put it all down and unlocked the door. I pushed on it and it didn’t open. ????????? (we have a magnetic strip on our door, so I thought it might be stuck) I pushed harder and it still didn’t open. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHRISTOPHER!!!!!! TOTALLY locked me out of our house. (He is the only one with a deadbolt key….why? Because we are lazy buttheads) Wanna know the worst part? He wasn’t due home until aprox. 9 pm. Because dinner was involved in this training shindig with the CEO of our LARGE company. Wanna know something even better? I KNEW AF was going to arrive at any given moment.

I drove to the park up the road and placed about three calls to my husband. I left him a message finally letting him know that I was going to kill him while he slept because I was sitting in my car, locked out of my house with groceries that needed refrigerated, about ready to get AF, and sick as crap. UGH. I also sent him a text. Within about 10 minutes he called me back. I saw it was him, picked up the phone and told him how I thought strangulation was a viable option for his impending death. I was rather calm through the whole ordeal. I was so exhausted and felt so crappy that I really had NO energy to be mad. After apologizing profusely about 600 times (OK, I may have exaggerated that by one or two times), he informed me that he was skipping out on dinner with THE CEO OF OUR VERY LARGE, VERY PROFITABLE, VERY ALL OVER THE WORLD company to come home and let me in. He wouldn’t be able to leave for about an hour though and his drive was about an hour.

Weeeellllllll, after I told him that he owes me SOOOOO BIG for this, I decided to make my way to the bookstore where I could at least rest comfortable in a chair and read AND USE A BATHROOM.

Luckily, I got to Borders when I did and went straight for the bathroom, armed with proper materials, knowing what I would find. Sure enough, AF had JUST ARRIVED.

After taking care of that and feeling even more terrible, I made my way to the Christian book section and settled in to a chair with a few books. I took about 1.5 hours and looked through some. Of those books, three were Bibles. I knew I wanted a new one specifically geared toward women. Those of you reading A Woman After God’s Own Heart…..this is one of my five fat files that Elizabeth talk about. If you haven’t gotten there yet, you will understand once you do. One of the fiver areas of my spiritual life that I want to become an expert in is Women. Women of the Bible, Wives, Mothers, etc. Women role as given by our Lord. So, I chose a Bible after much careful debating. It ends up that it is the same Bible Chris bought me for my birthday in April. I took it back because (as terrible as this is going to sound, it’s very true) my eyes were greedy and wanted clothes and other things more than a new Bible. Little did I know that God would be tugging at my heart a few months later on His plan for me and my role as a woman. So, I bought that and an heirloom book that depicts specifics in the Bible almost as a story. It’s an easy way to understand it for children and adults alike. It has beautiful pictures and it is the first book I bought for our future children. This will be one of the books that we will read at bedtime. It was in the bargain section for $4.99 and it was one of the best purchases I have ever made.

So after that, I trapced through Michaels and talked with MIL. I asked her if she would mind if I injured her first born. LOL.

Finally, I headed home and Chris was only a few minutes after me. We walked upstairs and he unlocked the deadbolt. As we were walking up, I told him that I bought the Bible and he told me that that doesn’t make him very happy. Guess what buddy, neither does being locked out of your house for hours with groceries, cramps, a fever, and a body that feels like it hasn’t walked in 10 years. I understand that I took it back when he bought it and he was really OK with that because I have two other Bibles, but I took it back out of the greed in my heart. What an idiot I was! Anyway, that and the fact that it was $35.00….he was concerned weather it would fit in to our budget. I assured him it would under “household expenses”. We have money left in that category and only 1.5 weeks left in the month….PLUS it’s really important to me to #1) Have it for my studies #2) Make it up to God (well, more myself) because of my greedy heart a few months ago #3) Learn about other women of the Bible as wives and mothers. This Bible is geared toward making you in to the woman that God desires for you to be. Here is the Bible.

After that, we both lounged on the couch. I read A Wife After God’s Own Heart (which I just started and it’s awesome so far!) and then I went to bed after about an hour. I really needed the sleep, as I do today. Chris kept apologizing and even as crappy as I felt, it was a mistake. We ALL make mistakes and he didn’t do it on purpose, so what’s the point in getting mad. I just asked him this morning not to forget to keep the deadbolt unlocked! J I guess we’ll have to get that other key made this weekend!

OK, I’ve bored you enough for today. More later I promise. For now, I must get a few things done and I am leaving again at 2. Chris’ last day of training is today. I hope the deadbolt isn’t locked!