No Title

I’ve been contemplating how to start this post since our u/s two weeks ago on Thursday and there is just no good way to do it, so here it is, plain and simple…

I have what’s called a blighted ovum. I basically have an amniotic sac in there, but no fetus. Typically, the fetus dies early on and most women miscarry so early that they may not even know they were pregnant. Then there are my cases where you know you’re pregnant go in for your very first ultra sound for your very first pregnancy and the doctor says “well, looks like we don’t have a healthy pregnancy here, do you know what a blighted ovum is?” just.like.that. cold and unconcerned…because I’m sure he sees it often. BUT I DON’T.
There are two options. Let the miscarriage occur naturally, or get a D&C. I’ve chosen the natural route because I don’t want a D&C unless it’s absolutely necessary…..so here I sit, feeling pregnant, yet waiting on a miscarriage. Do you know what it’s like to actually WAIT on your body to miscarry?
Its different feelings, different emotions….constant changes. It’s absolutely, purely terrible.
I’m doing a temp job this week and I will post more later, but I saw Jamie’s post and thought that it’s about time for me to post. My family knows and we are beginning to tell friends. We are getting mixed calls of congrats (to those who may just be reading an email or listening to a message from weeks ago) and I’m sorry’s. It’s pretty overwhelming, BUT Chris and I KNOW that God is in control. HE has a bigger and better plan, and there was a reason for this. We trust Him. We love Him. He has blessed us in so many ways and I know he will continue to. He is dealing with a multitude of emotions from me day to day, but He is big. So much bigger than me. He can handle it.

So here I sit….torn and angry, but comforted by my Father’s greatest love and that is what is getting Chris and I through.