My heart is once again turning toward a move from where we live. Why is that? Why does my heart want to leave so badly? I have a new job that requires all of a 4 mile daily commute; I attend the most wonderful church I’ve ever attended.; and I’ve made many friends in that church. Is it really my heart longing for something different, or is it my heart saying that I’m worn out from the way life goes around here and I need to get out. I can’t put my finger on it.
I think that deep down inside, I like change, but I’m afraid to admit that to myself, because change is scary.
I do love Frederick(I don’t like how DC is “moving” here though!) and I do love the few people I’ve grown close to here, but I long for something different. I feel that it’s partly wanting to have a child too. I want to stay at home more than anything. I just feel God strongly pulling me in that direction. My heart tells me that it’s what His will is for me. My heart has been telling me that for about a year now. My longing is to be at home, take care of Chris, and my future children. Be able to run those errands (albeit, not necessarily with ease) that he hates so much so he doesn’t have to. Keep up with my home so that we aren’t spending our entire weekend cleaning and not resting and spending time with God and family like we should be.
This weekend was spent cleaning our bedroom. The entire weekend. Laundry, Goodwill bags of clothes, spot cleaning the carpet, dusting, putting laundry away…..it may not seem like a lot, but when you have fallen as far behind as we have….it takes virtually two whole days to do it. Yesterday, we spent four hours at church for our service and we served in the 1-year old walker room for second service. Other than that……I was glued to our bedroom.
I KNOW that staying home is going to be a challenge and I know that it is going to be the toughest job I’ve EVER had, but I also know that nothing will be as rewarding. Pleasing God through raising my children to love and honor Him….what more could I ask for? Taking care of and serving my husband the way God intended me to? It’s so EXCITING to imagine it. I’m up to the challenge of keeping up with my home, keeping it running smoothly; helping my husband, and raising my children in a God centered and surrounded home. I can’t wait!
BUT……do I want to raise my children here? It’s not my choice. It’s not Chris’ choice. It’s God’s choice, it’s His plan. If I had to choose, I’d say no. I do not want to raise my children here…but, better here than DC or Baltimore. If I had it my way, I’d probably look in to homeschooling and joining a Moms club to give my kids the social interaction with other children that they will need. They need a way to build their social skills outside of the home, I firmly believe that.
If I had it my way, we would live in the country. When we drove through Connecticut last weekend, we saw so many places that we want to live. I love New England. It has a piece of my heart. Chris and I have a goal to end up in Connecticut someday. He has a financial goal and a way to do that, but it will take time. We would love to raise our kids in New England. Only GOD’s Will and Timing will tell.
That’s my heart today. I want to be the best wife and mother I can possibly be. I want to excel at what God designed me to excel at. With His help, I WILL succeed.
Monday, April 28, 2008
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13 comments:
I think it is so wonderful of you to share what is on your heart...and it is so honest. Keep praying about it, by yourself and with DH. Let God lead you to the answer!
I could have written this post, except for the fact that I don't care if we move or not, although our current financial situation would dictate that we do move just because we would need a cheaper house payment in order to live on one income... Oh, and that other little minor, eensy-weesy detail that I already have 3 kids and one about to pop out... yeah, there's that too. But I want to stay home dangit!!
I feel the exact same way - though I'm a little torn because some days I love my job and really want to succeed and others I just want to be at home with babies! : )
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!
New England IS a great place for kids. All the history. The seasons.
I hope it works out for you.
Alicia, this is why we have so much in common! I get this! I really get this! Because I come from a family of educators, it's been hard for me to express myself this way. I sincerely wish God grants you the desires of your heart according to his will.
I too love FCF and Frederick, but I'm just itching to do something and be somewhere different. Maybe it's the changing weather??
I'll send those pictures to you first thing in the morning. Tell Chris I said hi.
Take Care.
Oh, I so get what youre saying! I have been feeling exactly that so strongly lately, I dont know how I get up and work every day. I so badly want to be home taking care of everyone and the house. DH agrees but we can't just yet - we need my income. its weird how just lately it has been getting to me so much... Ive almost been feeling depressed about it. Im glad Im not the only one.
Yes, you will succeed. With this great attitude you will do amazing and have a wonderful life wherever, and whatever you are doing!
-Andrea
Can we meet for dinner tonight? I think we're sharing a brain.
I SO understand what you're saying and what's on your heart. It's something that is tugging atme too. I pray the Lord gives you wisdom and guidance. I'm glad we'll be here to see where the Lord takes you.
Thank you so much for the encouragement the other day. I needed it.
I am praying for you and your hubby. Feeling restless is definitely something we all go thorough.
Psalm 27:14
I left a comment yesterday but for some reason it's not here, so I'll comment again :)
I know how you feel! Being a SAHM has always been my dream and I feel so blessed to be at home. For a while, I wasn't really doing what I should as far as keeping the house cleaned and stuff, but now I'm reading a book and it's making me WANT to do that stuff and I actually enjoy it. I like that Nathan comes home from work to a clean house and dinner on the table. I love being able to do that for him and for my kids.
Nathan and I actually plan on homeschooling. Our kids will get interaction and make friends at church. I plan on continuing to help out for a long time so Cade (and future kids) will be there at least 3 days a week so they'll make friends that they get to see often.
I have no doubt that you will reach your goal. Just pray about it and trust that God will work it out!
I wish I knew what I wanted or was meant to do with so much clarity as you do.
I wish you all the best in making your dreams happen. I live in Connecticut and we love it. I was born and raised here, move the Denver for about 6 years and after having my little girl, we moved back to our family. It is a good place to raise a family, although not the cheapest state by any means... :-)
I was a SAHM for the first 9 months and decided to go back to work. For me, I am happy because I really love my job, and my employer is super supportive of me being a mom and taking the time I need to be a good mom. Being a SAHM is definitely an important job, so I hope you are able to make it work for you if that is what you want!
Glad you liked the swap gift!
Hi Alicia, I got to your link through Rusti (the life of an officers wife) she is my daughter. Nancy (cakabaker is my twin sister). I understand your wonderment on what your future holds and I admire the way you are wanting God's will in your life. I pray that you are content until you find out what His plans are for your and Chris. Many blessings coming your way. Laura
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