Do you know what just hit me? I mean REALLY REALLY hit me?
I am afraid of failure; pure and simple.
I was thinking about why there have been so many things that I have wanted to do with my life, but haven’t finished or even pursued. During my senior year of high school, I had colleges picked and a plan. After graduation, that all fell to the way side. Why?
After I was out of high school for about a year, I decided on business school, just so I could get a degree and do something not so scary with my life. I dropped out after about 6 months realizing that I was doing it just to do it and had no real plans of using my education. So I got a refund.
There have been many avenues that I wanted to pursue and I always wondered WHY I couldn’t make up my mind. Finally, when I would, I would find SOMETHING about it that scared me.
Take nursing for example. What if I hurt someone? Really really hurt someone
How about becoming a vet. Same darn thing.
Becoming a cosmetologist? What if I screw up their hair? What if I screw up a wax?
Daycare provider. What if one of the children gets hurt? Seriously hurt.
It’s has been a vicious cycle since I graduated high school almost TEN years ago and I am just realizing this. My goodness. It’s my own insecurities.
I’m kind of astonished that I never thought about this before, but I’m thinking about it now.
I’m not getting anywhere out here in the world of work. Really, without a degree, in this area; it’s hard!
I was thinking about one of my old passions….skin care, hair and makeup. Yep. Cosmetology. I’m sure my parents can attest to me torturing my brother at a young age with makeup. That’s right kids….I practiced my makeup techniques on MY BROTHER! He was a good sport about it (tehehehe) He’d kill me if he saw this!
Anywho, while I was thinking about it and wondering why in the world I never pursued it, I realized it’s because of my extreme fear of failure. Wow. Is there a phobia for failure? If there is, apparently, I have it. I put SO MANY things off because I’m afraid of failure.
*Self Analysis: I’m afraid of failure because of a few of my teachers. Thanks you Mr. Mateer (5th grade) and Thank you Mrs. Weatcher (9th grade Algebra).
*Self Diagnosis: Failureaphobia
*Treatment: Just Do It!
My oh my, I guess I have a lot to work on, huh?
Sometimes, self-discovery is scaaaaaaary! I really need to work on this because I want to do SOMETHING with my life! After my kids are old enough, I’d like to go back to work at least part-time. Health care and cosmetology are two great fields for that!
Let the pondering begin…
Monday, January 14, 2008
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4 comments:
oooh girlfriend! If you have a passion for something GO FOR IT!!!
You will never know if you don't try. if you try and you don't like it..so be it..but at least you tried. There is no failure in trying only if you don't try it.
You can do it - and I know you will do great!
It's awesome that you are figuring this out now so that you are able to teach your future children the correct way of seeing themselves and abilities! And it's good for kids to see a mom who isn't afraid to take chances.
-Andrea
I'm the same way. Scared of failing, to the point of not doing things. The other side of it for me used to be what other people would think - I'm pretty well over that. But the failure. I hear you.
But you'll never know unless you try, right?
I have this same issue! LOL ~ this is why I am currently enrolled in school. I just started my first class last week, and already have wanted to quit. But I don't. I have to try. I HAVE to complete something. And this...this is what I really want to do.
Go for your dreams girl! It never hurts to at least try. :)
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