The Impending death of Gonad

I think Gonad may be going to meet her maker sooner rather than later.

I’m pretty sure Chris is going to punt her furry little butt off of our third story balcony right into the river if she doesn’t get her act together.

Here’s the scoop…

For the ENTIRE week…..Gonad has been in the mood to play with us between the hours of 12:30 am and 5 am.

This little situation is NOT good when it makes the daddy get up at 2:30 am. and threaten to kill the furbaby and punt her right then and there from the balcony to her death, and the mommy has to get up to have a “chat” with the furbaby about her impending death, and try to not let the daddy kill her.

Gonad has been clawing at her cage door at ungodly hours of the night. She is clawing it like a cat claws those big carpet covered tower like thingamagiggers they play on. (Sorry, I’m not well versed in cat, as I am allergic to the cuties and have never had one). Her cage is a huge hutch that is enclosed by wire. When she decides to do this at 2:30 am, not only does is scare the bejesus out of us, but Chris wants her dead, and I stare her down like I’m going to rip her little paws off the front of her body, die them blue and make a good luck key chain out of them like I had in the 4th grade, but she proceeds to do it anyway for another hour or two or however long it takes me to get up and stare at her until the alarm goes off.

It has been consistent for 5 nights. I repeat…..FIVE nights. I swear, since Chris and I started talking about the baby thing again this week, it’s like the stork is playing a joke on me. “Alicia, you are not ready for a baby yet, you can’t even handle your furbaby clawing the crap out of her cage door at all hours of the night. How will you handle a screaming infant that wants nothing other than your boob at these ungodly hours?”.

Thanks Mr. Stork, your swell.

So, tonight, I think we will be moving her cage out of the bedroom because I can’t seem to convince her that 2:30 am is not play time, it is sleepy time.

You would think that after having the furbaby for three years, she wouldn’t just all of a sudden start such an annoyingly crappy habbit. I’m beginning to think this is her way of getting back at me for all of the times I have cleaned her butt while holding her hind legs in mid air, made her take a bath, stepped on her (hey…it was an accident, ok!?), forgot to clean her cage, forgot to give her a noogie (yogurt drop treat) at night, let her go with days on end without carrots….only to survive on rabbit pellets and held her against her will. But, I HAVE saved her life from the daddy death threats on NUMEROUS occasions when she used to pee in every location that his butt had been.

I’m not sure where we will be putting her because her old room does not want her anymore (it is now the guest room/den), but neither does our living room and it is the only other option (except for the river). If I let it up to Chris, Gonad will become a furry football with the goal posts being the lining trees of the river bank.

Anyway….so Gonad has been a terror lately. I think she has hit the “terrible two’s” stage a few years too late.

Looks like we might be having a football game tonight. I wonder if we could get ESPN to cover it as a pay per view?